The regular message board is here.


For a ‘clueless bod’ of the highest order try your Mr. F. Trueman. His soccer
report is complete crap!


What on earth were you thinking of when you published Frankie Truman’s
report on the world cup? Does the man realise that it helps to actually
understand the game of football before even trying to commentate on the greatest
football tournament ever? Perhaps Mr Truman was watching a different game
when he remarked about the England’s (not Great Britain) match against

Was Mr Truman asleep when Micheal Owen (Owen Micheal as Mr Truman has
renamed him) hit the post with a superb strike, or indeed was Mr Truman
attending to the washing up when Paul Scholes fired a rocket at the Argentinean
goalkeeper, and perhaps maybe Mr Truman had put down his glasses when
Teddy Sherringham connected with a superb cross from Trevor Sinclair…yet
again to be superbly saved by the Argentinean goalie.

It may be worth your while informing your expert football reporter that you
don’t get umpires in football, I think the word referee springs to mind. It may
also be good advice for Mr Truman to acquire a copy of each team sheet, and
save the embarrassment of making silly mistakes.

J. Anderson

I hope Mr Trueman’s soccer report was a big joke, he must have been trippin
when he wrote it.

A. Rawat

They say Americans know nothing about football. The reason? Guys like
Frankie Truman. I know the game inside out, as most English do since it is our
national sport. Frankie Truman is not only UTTERLY clueless when it comes
to commentating on soccer but he’s also downright racist and offensive.

I mean who does Frankie Truman think he is? God. And Americans wonder
why they are the most hated nation on earth…. it’s very simple, because of
guys like Frankie Truman…. arrogant and stupid. GET RID OF HIM…

R. Dunbar

Dear Mr Truman,

A few things came to mind when I read your World Cup Soccer Football
Round-up: –

1. It is an offense to good taste and decency
2. Please open your mind and shut your mouth (both seem empty, btw)
3. If I had wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted

J. Arthur

Frankie Truman: What a fool. He knows as little about Geography and Politics
as he does about football.

M. Robb

Trueman. What a moron! If this was an attempt at humor (which i doubt very
much) then i’m afraid he is a sad man! Otherwise he is a very sad man!

A. Beet

Where did you dig Frankie Truman up from, he knows nothing about Football,
which the Yanks call “Soccer”. Firstly I didn’t realise Great Britain had a team
in the “World Cup”, there’s me thinking that England was playing. What’s all
the crap about the USA vs. Poland came being the best so far? You LOST.

P. Woolley

Cheers for the insights of Frankie Truman, ‘lol’ as I believe we say nowadays.


Does anyone else think that all Yanks are complete wankers? If not then Frankie
Truman should have persuaded you otherwise!

W. Pearson

Jeeesus! I can’t believe there are people out there who read the Frankie Truman
soccer report and didn’t realise that it was meant to be a joke. I surprised these
people have the necessary motor skills to control a mouse and keyboard.

M. Bakewell

Surely this is a wind up, if not Frankie Truman should be sacked for his disguise
alone, are the glasses, nose and moustache one piece? How’s the American Hand
Football coming on?

S. Grose

Frankie Truman thanks for your report on the World Cup as not only do you
show yourself up as knowing absolutely nothing about the game of football or
as you refer to it soccer. But you have proven to all those that have read it that
yes the Americans are truly the thickest nation on the Earth.

L. Millar

Brilliant ! I found the email replies to the Soccer Report from your ‘readers’
even better than the article itself. And English people accuse the Americans of
having no sense of irony.

R. Smithyes

WHAT A MUPPET!!!!!…………………




Frankie – PLEASE go and report on another sport.

R. Porter

Wat the fuk are u playin at cricket??? mr trueman frankie is an absolute
dithering twat!!! how the hell you have allowed him to commentate his views
on the world cup one will never know. i wont point out his mistakes because
everyone seems to have already pointed them out.

have a nice day!!!

I. Ahmed

Learn your subject before you report on it as shit commentary offends!

J. Waugh

All your frankie are belong to us.

J. Qualmann

Brilliant report – extremely funny – great piss take.

S. McKinnon

I’m a girl and I know more about the game than this useless, arrogant, racist
NERD! I really can’t say anymore, as I’m so wound up – someone please, do
the world a favour and SACK HIM!

Linsey, England.

I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry…There’s more drama in a World Cup than
in a 1000 episodes of Friends…I’m taking the site’s comments seriously and I
suspect that I have been hoodwinked. Just can’t decide. We’ll leave it at that.


Learn your subject before you report on it as shit commentary offends!

J. Waugh

All your frankie are belong to us.

J. Qualmann

Brilliant report – extremely funny – great piss take.

S. McKinnon

I’m a girl and I know more about the game than this useless, arrogant, racist
NERD! I really can’t say anymore, as I’m so wound up – someone please, do
the world a favour and SACK HIM!

Linsey, England.

I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry…There’s more drama in a World Cup than
in a 1000 episodes of Friends…I’m taking the site’s comments seriously and I
suspect that I have been hoodwinked. Just can’t decide. We’ll leave it at that.


Get a sense of humour, you fools!


Frankie Truman is a soccer football genius. His comments are right on target –
that’s “spot on” for you English twats. When the Yanks are done knocking the
Krauts off the pitch, you Island Monkeys will be next. That is if you manage
to survive against the Boys From Brazil, which I somehow doubt you will. It is
amusing how frustrated the English are that Americans like Frankie have taken
to “their” game. Keep up the good work Frankie. USA, USA, USA!!!!

M. Lyden

That Frankie Trueman World Cup report was hilarious! Bit ironic that some
Brits can’t see the irony in some Brit’s ironic take on Americans not
understanding football.

S. Ward

Slug above top lip. Yir an ERSE.

P. Winton

Who on earth wrote this disgraceful, un-factual load of trash? Never before has
the game of football been so utterly embarrassed to show its face.

M. Meeks

Absolutely class! I think the English are proving themselves quite gullible
indeed. Unless of course Frankie is for real???

E. Nglishman

Frankie is obviously not an expert on or even remotely interested in football, as
his report is both ill informed and badly written. His stupidity and ignorance
shines through in this pathetic and laughable portrayal of the first round of the
World Cup 2002.

Yours, an outraged England supporter,

L. Weller

Mr. Truman, do you need a visa to visit your planet!? Who’s using the family
braincell today?

R from London

FRANKIE TRUMAN FOR PRESIDENT!!! What a guy!!!! If this is a wind
up, it’s fantastic. If it’s not, Frankie Truman’s sheer arrogance speaks

Scott,  Peoples Democratic Republic of the British Isles.

I will speak for me and the better Americans which can be found all over by other
country individual who can think for themselves also. I will in NO way back the
words distributed by the Frankie Truman.  His claims are uneducated, arrogant,
disrespectful, and the signs of an individual in need of the real life.

I am very proud of my US team, they are working hard although they have only
just begun to walk into the lives of footballers as a nation. Do not accept the
words of frankie as the words of our US team or Americans as a whole. True
Americans respect all people and all activities, so I stand proud next to my team
but will never allow disrespect to any other. I tribute this great game, the game
known as FOOTBALL, not soccer footbal or football soccer, what ever the
f@#$# he said. Thank you.

Herman Santiago

Your website is very entertaining. But do you not know that there is no ‘Great
Britain’ team in the championship? They are English.

D. Kevin

Can I please insist that you do not refer to England as Great Britain during your
reports on them in the World Cup? England and Ireland have both been actively
involved in the World Cup and are in fact separate teams…. It would be like
referring to Canada, USA and all of the South America teams as simply America
or something like that. Also Japan and Korea are separate teams and are not the

I suggest if you are going to report on the subject of the World Cup, you at
least get the teams in the tournament correct when referring to them. If your
report was meant as a joke then forgive me, as may I point out that your report
has given me and my mates a great laugh though, because of the amount of
reference errors within it.


It all makes me wonder why an idiot like this should be given the position of
commenting on anything.  Please take him away. He is an insult and an
embarrassment to Urbanreflex.

B. Allan

Nice insight and all. Any chance of some clipping from Frankie Truman‘s very
becoming moustache. I really dig him and his groovy tones makes me feel like
September the 11th was not such a tragedy after all.

J. Melville

Way to go Frankie Boy. That’s telling it like it is good buddy. The English should
stick to wearing their kilts and playing their bagpipes. Go USA!!

Jim, New Jersey (birthplace of soccer)

To all the idiots who got on their high horse about the Frankie Truman’s review
of the world cup, ITS A WIND UP! Although if this is an American site then
it couldn’t possibly an ironic view, no….

A. Corcoran

Freddie Truman’s article about the world cup is obviously a joke, you pathetic
morons! (congratulations Freddie, it’s very entertaining.)

G. Wood

What an outstanding piece of journalism!! Hilarious to the point of requiring a
visit to the can. Owen Micheals is not a footballer, he is a FEATHER wee
diving poofter, should have been sent off against Argentina for DIVING.

Keep up the good work Mr Treman !!


As an American living in England, I am ashamed to have my English wife and
friends bring this article to my attention…I actually think Mr. Truman is the
smart guy to actually get the real idiot to pay to have his third grade article
published. It been a pleasure to write this to u.


Where do you get the cheek of using the word ‘football’ in american football
when you don’t use a football at all, you use an egg.

Unhappy, patriotic Englishman.

Living in Australia I always have to put up shit from Pommes and Aussies
about how Yanks cannot get satire or sarcasm.  Reading some of the comments
from your review of the world cup made my day.

S. O’Day

Er, Hello fellow Englanders! And we say the Americans don’t appreciate irony.


This Frankie Truman must be having a joke and must be a ‘has-been reporter’
thinking he’s still got the gift of writing, but I doubt he’s actually had it, in more
ways than one after looking at his photo.

Tim, England

Great stuff Frankie Truman. Your country needs your insight. Don’t allow the
comments of some angry British supporters deter you from your goal. Sure
they’re all hooligans over there anyway Frankie and as for those Pinkos… don’t
get me started!

J. Walsh

I want to hear more from Mr. Truman! He is the only commentator with the
GUTS to tell it like it is and if some readers can’t handle that then that is their

KL, London.

I’ve just read your comments about the world cup soccer and what a story

You must admit that the worst thing ever is to hear people speaking very loud
believing that they know everything about everything when in fact they have
an IQ of 10 which is the same as a cactus which need to breath.

W. Kilian

And there’s me thinking you Yanks didn’t understand irony. A superb piece of
writing that managed the very English art of taking the piss out of one’s self
with incredible ease.

R. Ed

OH MY GOD! what is that crap emanating from that idiot Frankie Truman. I
really had to see it to believe it. If it was a five year old reporting, it might be
forgiven after a good telling off. So for the love of God fire him before he insults
any more people.

M McCarthy, Ireland

Frankie Truman need to be educated…F stand for fool! Shame…how the fool
open his mouth.

N. McCall

GO CHINA! Oh wait. We lost. Fuck.

Mao Tse Tung

A brilliant typical piece of American journalism. Your amazing anti-grasp of the
game is comedy itself. Yet you talk bollocks and still present it as if it is total
fact. Kicked more yards? This isn’t some soft yank sport with shoulder pads!


What a guy! At last, we have someone who is on the level of the true
soccerfootball supporter. And dude, the way you broke down the British
performance against Argentina was, like, soooooooo awesome!!

Owen Michaels, you suck! And as for the Argentinas, not even tackling
Beckman on the penalty’s kick – get over yourselves! Sweet.

Johnny Wishbone

The man appears to know little about soccer and reinforces the opinion of most
of my non-American friends that collectively, Americans are the most
opinionated, insular, uninformed, arrogant nation in the world. It is little
wonder that most people hold them in contempt when you have bigoted
dickheads like Mr. Truman being held up as an expert in his field.

A loyal but non-racially prejudiced Brit

Never before have i read so much cr*p…… Frankie Trueman (WHO?)  He is a
Pompous Tw*t, who knows as much about football as americans know about
Rugby. You even think the country Denmark is in Sweden!

Look in the Dictionary under Frankie Trueman – it means (Thick, Ignorant,
Stupid, Idiot) and that’s me being polite.

Mark, The Outer Peoples Republic of London in England

Greetings Frankie. It was a shame that your offence was unable to have as many
kicks at the score sack to enable you to win the game.

I’m also really looking forward to the Soccer Football World Series, which I’m
sure the USA will win, as they are the only nation that ever stakes part in these
World Series events.

Yours in admiration

Alan Humphrey, Reading, England

PS. Can I have a signed autograph for my mum?

Surely the Frank Truman articles about the world cup are the most sarcastic and
bitingly satirical pieces of comedy ever written. The humour is dryer than a
ducks arse. He must be given more freedom to write and express his views –
perhaps when the English premier league soccer season starts again he can come
back and review that – perhaps on a bi-weekly or monthly basis??

Seriously – whoever you are that writes this stuff – it’s brilliant. Ron Aldo – the
best African footballer ever. Fuck, my sides have split!

K. Southam

I just want to say well done for all the humourous articles you’ve put together re
the world cup. When i read the first one i , like many others thought these were
the true thoughts of mr twankie fruemans, but having looked at various other
articles i realise it’s all yankie humour. Although you aint known for it i take my
pants down to you for the originality of getting attention for your web site.

keep it up. (if you can)

I. Ahmed

You really wanna look badly at his contract, he hasn’t got a god damn clue
has he !!!

T. Lowther

Your site should not let this racist crap be posted on your site. Do you have an
email for Frankie Truman? I’d like him to know my feelings on his report.
You’re not allowed tackle during a penalty and blood isn’t needed to get one.
How can you allow this to be posted on your site?

Frankie Truman should be fired. Ronaldo (Not Rod Naldo) is one of the most
famous players on earth and your writer mistook his name and nationality. He
also insulted all English people by suggesting they wouldn’t know that the
Americans took on Germany in WW2 when it was the English who started this
and the Americans joined with them later on. The comment on the Brazilians
being part-timers is unresearched and plain ignorant also Italy is known for
paying more then any country in transfer fees so his comment on them is
unreliable and again ignorant.

Buy the man a geography book. I’d just like to say reports like this have
obviously not been monitored and makes your site seem amateur and badly
run. This man should not be allowed talk about soccer let alone post a report
on a major site.

C. Wright
Majorly pissed off


Sent the Frankie Truman reports to people in the office and laughed my nuts
off at those that didn’t get it!

C. Thomas

Frankie, you are without a doubt the best reporter I have read. Your insight into
the world of Soccer is inspiring.


Absolute class! Everything you could want from an incisive piece of sports
journalism 😉  Keep it up Frankie! In fact, I doubt the man is American at all,
probably Irish.

COL, Ireland

What an idiot. This is gotta be a pisstake right? There is no such country as the
Republic Of Germany, Brazilia or West Africa. The guy needs a geography

Poorer nations and Italy do not go hand in hand. Italy have won the damn Cup
more times than USA has appeared in it. Like the USA were the team everyone
wanted to watch? Get off the couch. Your boy in the field is a disgrace, and to
air such crap on your website does you a disservice. Get it right.


I realise that Frankie is extremely busy as this is the start of the hog racin’
season but is there any chance that you could extend his contract so that he can
cover Wimbledon for us??  We need someone with his brilliant insight and
cutting-edge journalism skills to make such a poofter sport interesting.

K. Dawson

It can be said very simply – “We want more Frankie and we want it now!!!!!!”
We look forward to the shortly-to-be-commissioned E.W.Swanton’s Review of
the NFL 2001 Season – live from Las Vegas, New Mexico. Go Miami Patriots –
hit some home runs!!!!

Nick, Milton Keynes

The whole world looks to America for guidance, leadership and security. Only
if we restrict entrants to teams from the home of the Brave, the US Marines,
Bill Clinton, OJ Simpson, Worldcom, Andersen and the like can we maintain the
integrity of Soccer Football and prevent the inevitable, gradual decline of the
value of the competition and ultimately public interest in the whole event.

D. Jones

This is comedy you friggin idiots. And it’s funny. Cheers

Bambam in Tokyo

Genius. I only hope I can catch some more of Frankie’s cutting edge
commentary on WXTTN Dallas. It’s men like him that restore my faith in

J. Knight, Notting-ham

Frankie is a perfect representative for the Americans, almost thought i was
listening to Bush! Well done Frankie, i’m sure you’ve done your fellow
americans proud!!!!

Miriam Ahern

USA is a country of ignorant bastards. No good Ho Bo Billys. Frank Trueman
shows that as good as Jerry Springer. He is superb in being a dumbass. Frank,
go fuck a duck!

Pete, Dk

Quality stupidness, nice one !


This Frankie Truman…what planet is he from?  His essay was an
embarrassment to myself and other ex-pats living abroad.


Of course there is no Great Britain team, of course the Brazilian player is not
called Rod Naldo … and if you can’t spot that these are deliberate mistakes then
you have less brains than a chicken McNugget.


Frankie Trueman is possibly the greatest comic creation ever…I nearly wet
myself reading the two reports. Dear god, please let this be written by an
Englishman, if not it’s Pulitzer material.


I am a Polish-American, and I was absolutely APALLED and DISGUSTED by your ignorant uninsightful football commentary about the Poland/USA game!!!! First of all, I would like to advise you TO GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL AND TAKE A HISTORY CLASS!!! In case you didn’t know, but Poland is NO LONGER A COMMUNIST COUNTRY!! In case you were too busy smoking dope to realize that in 1989 Communist rule was wiped out in Eastern Europe. But why should I give you a history and geography lesson, you are obviously lacking in basic knowledge and representing the US as the epicenter of ignorance and lack of intelligence. It’s people like you that make me embarassed to say that I am an American. You are really doing a great job at sheading negative light on your own country. It’s pathetic!! No wonder the rest of the world is laughing at America! So, please do yourself a favor, trash your crack pipe and get yourself a basic education FIRST, and then consider posting sports commentary on the internet.



p.s. If your report was ment to be some kind of cheeky joke, believe me, you are still making an ass out of yourself and the country!

After hearing John Motson crucify the English language during the World Cup,
might I suggest that Frankie slips on his sportscaster’s jacket and offers his
considerable insights to the BBC? The man is a genius and should be taken

Nick A, Cambridge, England

I hear rumours that ITV have hired Frankie Truman as a foil to Big Ron
Atkinson’s sardonic wit and incredibly accurate football know-how. Can you
confirm that Big Ron will be calling Frankie ‘ the big fella’ in the not too
distant future?

Stuart Taylor

A work of genius !!! I never believed those stories about people ringing in to
Radio 4 to complain about Alan Partridge. Until now.

Rob Cookson

Thanks to your exciting reports Frankie, I’m a big fan now of this Soccer
Football game you’re talking about. Go Team USA!

Dave O’Shaughnessy

The ‘World Series’ is named after it’s original sponsor – ‘The World’
newspaper…You Americans out there – please don’t think that everyone in
England is as thick as shit. We’re not, honest ! Just one question – Who
actually came up with the script? The man deserves an award !!!

Rob, Manchester, England

Finally! Incisive, though-provoking, and intelligent soccer commentary! The
only thing funnier than Frankie Truman’s reports are those emails from
indignant fools who fail to realise that it’s a wind-up!

Conor Normile

How embarrassing. I had no idea my fellow Brits were so stupid. Did they not
think to check the urbanreflex home page where they would have discovered the
true nature of this magnificent pastiche. Wigs off to you
Frankie’s report was a work of comedy genius.

Matt, UK

Nice joke – no-one’s that ignorant….surely…

Benjamin Keningale

Frankie is just speaking his mind, which is far better than most pretentious
commentators of modern day soccer. He is being honest, and isn’t he entitled
to? After all he is commentating on behalf of the country that invented free
speech. We’d all be brain-washed under a dictator if it wasn’t for America’s
independence, and Frankie simply passed this off in a light-hearted fashion.
So give him a break.

The man is to be applauded not mocked. Frankie, my hat goes off to you. You
are a legend.


I think I love Mr Trueman… I especially liked his harsh yet fair appraisal of the
Japan national team’s performance. When will his statistical analysis of
Wymbel-Don be posted??? I can’t wait to read what he thinks of Tim ‘Massive
Head’ Henman.

N. Ho, Wells, Cirencester, UK

Having been to the World Cup in 1994, hosted by the US, your parody was
pretty damn spot on.

Mark, London

I’ve just fell off my chair! cheers Mr. Truman, for the best laugh I’ve had since,
well, guess. But this has had me in stitches, please come to the UK, the Sunday
Sport need a good reporter like yourself, and I need a fucking good laugh on a
Sunday morning.

Chris, Manchester blue

Frankie truman, American Genius. This is a piss-take isn’t it!?

Fraser Keir

What a great wind-up (as evidenced by all the emails).Ý But please tell me that
the slug on your upper lip is a wind up as well.

Paul D

Frankie: Magical Insight and a beautiful literary flow.


A superb piece of reporting, if only to wind up all the little engerlunders who
got carried away in the hysteria of thinking they had a chance of winning the
World Cup. You should take the Scottish view on soccer football – we’re crap,
but we don’t care.

Steve, Scotland

Frankie, your round-up was good except for one thing. The words.

Rodney Trotter

As an American living for several years in London I see all types, fortunately
there are quite a few who aren’t incredibly bigoted. When someone brings up the
USA in conversation you’d be quite surprised the shit people come up with:
Jerry Springer, Bush, humour, McDonalds, clothes, and other irrelevant crap.

What about Thatcher, Widdecombe, Blair, the Sun/Mirror/Mail, Hear’say, Will
and Gareth, McDonalds (yep, the evil empire grows in Europe, even as outlets
close in the states – look out for Starbucks and ASDA, because the states are
sick of them).

If you want a bit of old English irony, stinking of lager and fag-butts, how about
using the messageboard page as a great excuse to further a tired list of
uneducated racist slurs from a country that constantly brags about “travel” and
yet you meet so few who have actually visited the States to learn what it is
really like. You might be surprised that it’s full of all types, just like you, not
just fools and superstars.


Think you might have ruffled a few feathers there Frankie boy! Inspired.

Rich, Leicester

I still can’t believe that some folks actually believed Frankie’s reports into the
WC were the genuine article (har har!). God, all you have to do is navigate the
rest of the site to realise that, as if Frankie’s reports weren’t funny enough? I’d
love to hear Frankie’s thought’s on Cricket or Rugby??? LONG LIVE
FRANKIE, king of the P**s takers! As for the rest of ye, lighten up!

The Hakaman

Man, that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Please please please
bring us his reports on the Cricket and Rugby World cup as well as the hog
racing. Top stuff.


How on earth do these people stay employed long enough to send an email?
I can’t wait for Frankie’s coverage of the Rugby world cup later in the year.
Go Team Somalia!

James, Brighton.

I was in stitches over the wrath incurred by the Frankie Truman report. I wish
I’d seen this earlier. Jesus I’d like to read some of these peoples comments on
Spinal Tap. They’d probably think they were a really crap rock band or
something. I should point out that it’s 2003. I don’t suppose there’s any chance
of Frankie flying to the Rep. of Australasia to cover the RWC. This report will
be distibuted to all of my friends. Thank you very much for making an
unbearably quiet Friday afternoon way more interesting.

Ian (U.K)
p.s. I am intrigued as I always assumed the site was English….can so many
people be wrong?

Thanks for the feedback. Yes, the site is UK-based – we just employ Frankie for certain articles.


Frankie Truman’s articles:



These are emails I have received from urbanreflex readers. If you would like to post, edit or remove a message, please email comments at