Sheep Kills Human In Suspected Revenge Attack

In a sinister development in the foot and mouth crisis, a human was attacked and
killed by a sheep on Friday night in what police are describing as a possible
revenge attack. It is feared the killing may signal the beginning of an orchestrated
campaign of resistance by Britain’s ovine community, which is currently being

The human, Daniel Smith, 23, a car mechanic from Heaton, was walking through
Newcastle city centre when the sheep, which had apparently been laying in wait
behind a row of parked cars, ambushed him. Footage from CCTV cameras clearly
shows the sheep kicking and stamping on Mr. Smith before running away. Police
and paramedics arrived shortly afterwards but Mr. Smith was pronounced
dead at the scene.

“There appears to be no motive for this attack, other than revenge,” said the
detective in charge of the case, John Lyndall. “We are appealing for anyone who
may have seen a sheep acting suspiciously in Newcastle city centre, on the night
of April 20th to come forward. We are investigating the possibility that this may
not be a one-off incident, but the start of some kind of campaign of violence by
the sheep community.” The suspect is described as 2 feet 6 inches tall, and having
a black or dark grey face and a fluffy white coat.

The attack comes as Scotland Yard are rumoured to be investigating an extremist
ovine resistance movement led by a mysterious godfather-figure known only as
‘Mr. Woolly,’ who is believed to be living in the United States. The group issued a
statement early last week criticising the government’s foot and mouth policy and
threatening ‘reprisals’ if the mass slaughter of sheep was not halted immediately.

“This splinter group is totally unrepresentative of the sheep community as a
whole,” said Labour MP and Secretary of State for Social Security Alistair
Darling, “most of which is quite happy to be culled.”