Lottery Launches ‘Audience Fund’

The National Lottery is to launch a new ‘Audience Fund’ as part of an
initiative to boost the British film industry.

Paul Grey, spokesman for the fund said: “We already give large sums towards
the production and distribution of films but, for some reason, very few people
are going to see them. Our solution is The Audience Fund.”

The scheme, provisionally named ‘Bums On Seats’ will involve paying
approximately two thousand individuals to travel around the country,
continually watching Lottery-funded movies, thereby boosting their box office
revenues and guaranteeing that every National Lottery-funded film is a success.

“We can use the fund in many ways,” Grey explained. “For example, we can
inject huge sums if we want a record-breaking opening weekend, or we can
drip-feed money to films to recreate the ‘word of mouth’ effect we see on some
of those American independent films. It’s fantastic. I don’t know why we
didn’t think of this earlier.”

Film producers were also quick to praise the scheme: “This is a much needed boost
for us,” said Lenny Parsons, who has just begun shooting ‘A Fine Head of Hair’,
a period drama that portrays the life of Oscar Wilde from the point of view of his
barber’s 10 year-old son. “It means we can press on with our movie without having
to worry if anyone will want to see it.”