The producers of a new $90 million animated film called ‘Benny The Poodle’
have listened to what their hearts were telling them and signed a massive food
and merchandise deal with the world’s biggest burger chain.
The film tells the heartwarming story of a mistreated dog who is abandoned by
his owners and goes off in search of his family in the big city. The film’s central
message of good triumphing over evil, belief in family values and compassion for
others will be communicated via a range of ‘Benny The Poodle’ merchandise and
‘limited edition’ food items which will be sold in outlets all over the world in the
run-up to the film’s release.
The deal was struck by Head of Marketing at Victor Films, Josh Franks, who
told reporters how he had to summon all his inner strength and courage to
realise his ‘simple and noble dream’ of a multi-million dollar, cross-territory
promotional tie-in.
“I overcame many obstacles in completing this journey,” he revealed at a press
conference. “Parents begged me not to unleash another tidal wave of plastic junk
on their kids. Industry peers strongly urged me to take another path, to be ‘less
commercial’. But in the end, I stood by my principles, knowing that my
righteous quest to take hard-earned money from the pockets of parents all
over the world would triumph in the face of adversity.”
“There were times when I felt like giving up,” he continued, “but one night I
asked myself, ‘What does your heart tell you, Josh?’ and a little voice inside me
answered. It said, ‘Achieve 95% product awareness amongst parents of 7 to 12
year-olds, Josh.’ It was as simple as that.”
In an act of tokenistic inclusivity, Franks then introduced Darren Smith,
described in the press release as an ‘ethnic minority buddy-figure’ to
elaborate on the deal: “The tie-in will mean exclusive Benny The Poodle
lunchboxes, pencil cases, backpacks and baseball caps will also be sold over the
counter,” said Smith. “The entire product range will be manufactured using cheap
labour in the Far East, which will reduce overheads, increase profit margins, and
most of all, help us reach a better understanding of ourselves and each other so
we can live in peace and harmony.”
Accompanied by a rousing Mariah Carey number, Franks concluded the press
conference: “I plan to take ordinary hamburgers, add an extra slice of processed
cheese, and sell them to kids as Benny-the-Poodle-Burgers,” he explained. “It is
my destiny.”
