Scientists Invent New Way Of Looking Like A Complete Twat

Scientists in the United States have unveiled an entirely new way for people to
look like complete twats.

The Segway human transporter is a hugely expensive alternative to walking
quickly or cycling. Its makers claim that anyone using it will immediately look
like a twat with minimal effort.

After years of development and massive funding from the likes of Apple
founder Steve Jobs, it is hoped that the Segway will finally give the world the
new method of looking stupid it has been waiting for.

The device’s 3000 dollar price tag is an integral part of its twattiness. “It
conveys the message, ‘I am rich, lazy and like to look stupid,'” said one
commentator. “There aren’t many things in this world that can do that.”

The US Postal Service has already placed an order for several thousand Segways
which, analysts say, will immediately enhance the device’s ‘twat’ factor. “You
will look like a wannabe postman,” said one. “What more can I say?”

The Segway is the latest in a long line of scientific advances that make its users
look ridiculous. In the Victorian era, twats used to ride around on penny
farthings, one of the earliest ‘look-at-me-I’m-a-twat’ devices. In the modern era,
the micro scooter was recently marketed at adults, unleashing its previously
untapped twat potential.

The Segway goes on general sale in 2002.