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NASA Astronaut Fears For Safety After Realising He Is Only One In Red Uniform

NASA astronaut Charles Buckmeister has expressed concern for his own safety
after learning that he is the only member of his crew wearing a red uniform.

Buckmeister, a recent addition to the shuttle crew, had been looking forward to
participating in NASA's mission to investigate a newly-discovered 'anomaly'
currently orbiting the earth but is now worried about his chances of surviving
the mission. Other crew members have been issued with blue and beige/gold-
-coloured uniforms.

"It's not just the uniform, it's the name-calling too," explained Buckmeister.
"For some reason, the other guys have been calling me 'Deadmeat' and 'Alien
Fodder.' I hate it."

The anomaly Buckmeister's crew has been sent to investigate is described as
a large, eerie, pulsating cloud of orange gas. It is not thought to pose any threat
but Buckmeister has expressed concern at the fact that he will be making the
first spacewalk inside the object, despite his relative lack of experience.

"Every time I ask a question about safety procedures, the other guys just ignore
me and talk amongst themselves," said Buckmeister. "I'm not the kind of guy to
make a scene. Normally I just stay in the background and keep quiet. But this is
really getting to me."

However, he has found little sympathy from his superiors. Mission commander
Hamilton Renault said: "Bugfester or whatever his name is should really stop
worrying and just do his job. We look after all our crew members and with the
exception of the incidents involving the mysterious space-women and the small,
furry, alien things, none of my missions has resulted in a fatality. Frankly,
I, my second in command and the ship's doctor are all sick of his whining."

Space shuttle Endeavour is set to blast off next month.