'Human Statues' Blown Up

'Human Statue' Street Performers Accidentally Blown Up By Taliban Government

A group of British street performers visiting Afghanistan as part of a cultural
exchange programme have been blown up by Taliban soldiers in what the
government has described as 'an unfortunate accident.'

The six 'human statue' performers, all from London, were on a National
Lottery-funded visit to Afghanistan where they were promoting European arts
and popular culture. Their act, which consists mainly of standing motionless
for long periods of time, was one of the few deemed acceptable and
non-corrupting by the hardline, Muslim, Taliban authorities.

The mime artists were performing in a busy market square in the capital, Kabul,
and had attracted a large crowd including many children. It was the first time that
many of the locals had ever seen a man covered head-to-toe in silver paint,
standing on top of a box.

In what was said to be a convivial atmosphere, some found the courage to
approach the performers and tug their clothing, only to be pleasantly surprised
when the 'statues' momentarily sprang into life and moved around in a robotic
fashion.

But within twenty minutes of the performance starting, an elite Subversive
Sculpture and Statue Elimination team, which had been covertly monitoring the
situation, moved in and placed several sticks of dynamite under each performer.
As the soldiers ran detonation wires to a safe distance and the crowd scattered, it
became apparent that something was wrong. Witnesses say they saw the
performers' eyes dart from side to side and one was said to be clearly perplexed,
making a 'shrugging shoulders, raised hands' expression.

Seconds later, the Taliban soldiers detonated the explosives, bringing the
performance to a violent and unexpected end. Two civilians were slightly
injured in the blast, which could be heard a mile away. All that remains of the
British group now is a 20 foot-wide crater and a solitary, silver-painted slipper.

The Taliban government yesterday said it 'regretted the incident,' which it blames
on 'unclear internal policy guidelines,' and that it will do everything it can to
ensure such an accident does not happen again. However, The Foreign Office
confirmed today that a planned visit by a team of traditional English morris
dancers has been postponed indefinitely.