New 'Star Wars' DVD To Feature Audio Commentary By Pathetic Man

George Lucas has announced that a special edition DVD of 'Star Wars Attack
of the Clones' will be released this year featuring audio commentary by a
pathetic man.

The pathetic man, 31 year-old office worker Alex Randell, won a national
competition to find America's most dedicated Star Wars fan. Friends have
described Randell's knowledge of the Star Wars universe as 'encyclopaedic'.
They have also described him as 'a pitiful geek with no life to speak of'.
 

--Randell: Pathetic

Anyone watching the new disk will be able to hear Randell discuss in minute,
unrelenting detail every single aspect of the film from its storyline to its
props. Amongst the highlights will be:
 

• Detailed, linguistic analysis of R2-D2's bleeps.
• Anatomical study of Natalie Portman and 10 reasons why Carrie Fisher is 'a better princess and, indeed, the perfect woman'.
• A comparison between the colour of the flooring seen in 'Attack of the Clones' and that of the early Star Wars films, and the implications thereof.
• Randell's hypothesis on the time it would take to travel from Coruscant to the Dagoba system using a variety of spacecraft.
• Regular reminders throughout film that "you just don't get this in a Star Trek movie."
• A demand that the next Star Wars film be entitled 'The Unstoppable Vengeance of Qui- Gon Jinn' with a detailed explanation why.

An expletive-filled diatribe against fans of 'The Lord of the Rings' has had to be
removed for legal reasons but otherwise the DVD is on schedule to be released
early in the Summer of 2003.
 

(c) urbanreflex.com 2003