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Michael Jackson Demands Upgrade To 'Gigastar' Status

Reclusive pop star Michael Jackson has officially requested that his status be
upgraded from 'megastar' to 'gigastar.'

Jackson has sold millions of albums over the course of his career. He is known
to almost every living person on the planet and is even regarded as a deity by
some primitive tribes. Jackson now believes his fame has exceeded the level
denoted by the term 'megastar' (which he currently shares with the likes of
Tom Cruise and Madonna) and that he should therefore be officially declared
a 'gigastar.'

"Technically, a gigastar is one thousand times more famous than a megastar," ex-
plained Professor John Lister, lecturer in Social Sciences at Cambridge University.
"The creation of the first ever 'gigastar' will have a ripple effect throughout the
celebrity cosmos, potentially elevating some non-entities to 'star' status whilst
relegating some 'megastars' to mere 'kilostars'. The danger of doing this is that it
could trigger a chain reaction which might ultimately lead to the creation of an
all-consuming celebrity black hole from which nothing can escape - a bit like
daytime television."

Michael Jackson's spokesman was unavailable for comment.

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