Bush Extends 'Non-Intervention' Policy

Bush Extends 'Non-Intervention' Policy to Include United States

President George W. Bush today announced that his government would be
adopting a non-interventionist stance with regards to the internal affairs of the
United States.

"America should be free to govern itself, without interference from me or my
staff," the President told reporters. "The United States government cannot
afford to be distracted by distant crises happening in far away lands such as
California or Oregon, for example. It is time for the people of America to stand
on their own feet."

BUSH - No wish to 'get involved'

Analysts have long predicted the move, pointing to the president's past
inability to grapple with America's political system and language. He once
described the US as, "a strange land filled with strange people and bizarre
customs. No wait, that's Canada."

A special ceremony will take place next month in which control of America will
be formally handed over to a group of eleven major corporations, the National
Rifle Association and a team of lawyers.