U.S. Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has surprised human rights groups by
announcing that all prisoners at the controversial Camp X-Ray detention centre in
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, will be given a limitless supply of free pretzels.

"This is an all-you-can-eat deal," Rumsfeld told reporters. "Each prisoner will
get a large bowl of big, salty pretzels first thing in the morning. The bowl will
be refilled at regular intervals and they can have as much as they want. Never
let it be said we aren't taking care of these guys."

Eleven tons of extra large, extra doughy, Nice 'n' Salty pretzels arrived at the
military base yesterday, and were immediately distributed to the prisoners.

"Yes, we are happy to be given these tasty morsels," said Mohammed
al-Mahad, the first detainee to be allowed to speak to the press. "If we could
just get a glass of water too, that would be great. I asked for one about a hour
ago. I hope they didn't forget."
 

  Pretzels: Plenty more where they came from.
 

Whilst the move was generally welcomed, the reason why the authorities are
so keen for the prisoners to eat pretzels remains a mystery, and some
observers have criticised the new arrangement claiming it is the result of a
secret pact between the Bush administration and Americaís powerful but
secretive snack industry.

"The snack lobby is the most powerful in the country," says right-wing reporter
Matt Bulge. "There are American snacks in almost every home in the developed
world. That means influence. Influence means power. And that means mind
control. Think about that the next time you eat a Dorito. I do."

Vice President Dick Cheney has refuted all claims of impropriety, although he
later admitted that his brother sits on the board of Nice 'n' Salty Snacks
Incorporated.

Developing...
 

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