U.S. Admits Taliban Still Have Donkey Superiority

U.S. Admits Taliban Still Have Donkey Superiority

WASHINGTON - U.S. Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has admitted for
the first time that despite three weeks of sustained bombardment, Taliban
forces in Afghanistan still retain donkey superiority in the region.

"We may have underestimated the tenacity and operational effectiveness of the
donkey component of the opposition defences," Rumsfeld told reporters.

The Taliban are thought to possess around five hundred donkeys, including
several dozen highly-trained 'special' donkeys. Rumsfeld was forced to admit
that the U.S. Army has no donkeys at all, prompting calls for an urgent review
of military spending.

BEFORE AFTER
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Satellite pictures (above) show U.S. bombing raids have failed to dent the Taliban's donkey arsenal.

The situation is not helped by the fact that due to a technical anomaly, many of
America's smart weapons cannot distinguish between donkeys and hospitals.

There are now signs of a division within the U.S. defence department as to how
best to deal with the donkey issue, with Rumsfeld favouring the deployment of
anti-donkey ground troops whilst Secretary of State Colin Powell is thought to
prefer the use of airborne explosive carrots.

"The U.S. achieved air superiority early on in the campaign by flying a plane in
the air," explained Robert Flynn of Jane's Defence Weekly. "It also has ground
superiority, bomb superiority, gun superiority, man superiority and uniform
superiority. But they probably would like donkey superiority as well, just to be
on the safe side."

It has also emerged that the Taliban donkeys were actually paid for by the CIA
as part of its covert operations against the Soviet Union. With the deployment
of ground troops seemingly imminent, the donkey issue looks set to become a
major factor in the war on terror.