urbanreflex [The Depository]

THE DEPOSITORY

Audience Stunned As Pop Star Appears On Stage Fully Clothed (05-03-04)
Prime Minister Denies Ever Listening To Anyone (05-03-04)

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'Huntley Innocent' Says New Defence Lawyer Muhammed Saeed al-Sahhaf (30-11-03)

David Blaine's Box 'Perfect For First Time Buyer' Claims Estate Agent (15-11-03)

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SPORTS NEWS: Beckham Passes Medical, Fails Theory (04-7-03)

Why It's Time To Kick Iraq's Butt: A Special Report By Frankie Truman (14-2-03)
NRA Defends Iraq's 'Right To Bear Arms' (14-2-03)

IRAQ LATEST: Bush Insists Iraq Must Now Disclose All Weapons And Porn (17-1-03)
New 'Star Wars' DVD Will Feature Audio Commentary By Pathetic Man (17-1-03)
...Angry Townshend speaks out: "Do I look like a paedophile?" asks rock star...

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Worshippers Flock To Face 'Resembling Jesus' (20-12-02)
...Mafia "is controlled by internal mafia," complains employee...

'I Was Researching Film Role' Says John Leslie (08-11-02)
Nation Mourns As Victoria Beckham Kidnap Plot Foiled (08-11-02)
Anti-Matter Leak At Research Lab Contaminates Minus 200 Sq. Miles Of Woodland (08-11-02)

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US Accepts Iraqi Offer, Readies 50,000 Heavily Armed Weapons Inspectors With Air Support (20-09-02)
Blunkett Orders Northerners To Speak English At Home (20-09-02)

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US War Plans Wrecked After Saddam Builds Memorials To NY Firefighters At All Military Bases (01-09-02)

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Hospital Blamed As IVF Couple Give Birth To Mouse With Giant Ear Growing on Back (26-07-02)
New Farming Crisis As Entire Cow Population Gets Bored With Grass (26-07-02)
...Jimmy Saville turns up at school for no reason...

WORLD CUP ENDS WITH DRAMATIC EXIT FOR USA by Frankie Truman, The Voice Of American Soccer Football (23-06-02)

WORLD CUP SOCCER FOOTBALL ROUND-UP with Frankie Truman, The Voice of American Soccer Football (14-06-02)

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Music Industry Unveils New Piracy-Proof Format: A Black, Plastic Disc With Grooves On It (24-05-02)
Stephen Byers 'Just A One-Off' Claims Blair (24-05-02)
...Police reconstruction of 50 vehicle pile-up on M4 was 'pointless' admit authorities...

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Bethlehem Nativity Siege Awkwardly Reenacted By 7 Year-old Children (10-05-02)
12" Pepperoni In London Restaurant Sets World Pizza Longevity Record (10-05-02)

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Arafat Calls For Independent State Of 'My Desk' (22-04-02)
War On Terror Aborted After Al-Qaeda Donates $120 Million To Republican Party (15-04-02)
Disappointment As Royal Family Expresses Little Interest In Death Of Old Lady In Leeds (15-04-02)
...Man in orchestra blows own trumpet...

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Byers Denies Wrongdoing After Spending Afternoon Kicking Old Lady (08-03-02)
Richard Gere Lends Support To Campaign For More Films Starring Richard Gere (08-03-02)
Prince Philip Tour Of Northern Club Circuit Cancelled After Complaints (08-03-02)
...House of Lords member arrested on drugs charges - blames peer pressure...

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Major Corporations Considering Relocating To Axis Of Evil (22-02-02)
Chinese Authorities Refusing To Return Bush (22-02-02)
...90% of Vogue readers think Osama bin Laden is too fat, new survey reveals...

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Camp X-Ray Prisoners To Be Given Free, Unlimited Supply Of Pretzels (08-02-02)
"Prince Harry Must Stay Away From Drink And Drugs," Prince Charles Tells Trees, Flowers (08-02-02)
...Solar flares are back in fashion, suggests Astronomy Now magazine...

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Actress Minnie Driver Not Yet A Gay Icon, Confirms International Gay Council At Annual Summit (04-01-02)
"Single European Currency Will Destroy Our Cultural Diversity," Says Group Of Middle-Aged, White, British Men In Suits (04-01-02)
...Genetically modified pigs demand upgrade to house made of stone 'immediately'...

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INTERNET NEWS: Man In Chatroom Types 'LOL' Despite Not Actually Laughing Or Even Smiling At Time (21-12-01)
HOSPITAL WAITING LISTS SCANDAL: Govt. Announces New 'Honesty In Compiling Performance Tables' Performance Table (21-12-01)
NASA Celebrates Successful Completion Of Computer Simulation (21-12-01)
...Opera audience none the wiser after Pavarotti forgets words and sings gibberish...

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Liz Hurley's Baby: Those Potential Fathers In Full (07-12-01)
Scientists Invent New Way Of Looking Like A Complete Twat (07-12-01)
Ageing Pop Stars Urge Fans To Show Appreciation By Buying Records While They Are Still Alive (07-12-01)

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U.S. Government Ups Reward For Bin Laden To $25 Million + Tanks + Helicopters + Nuclear Weapon (23-11-01)
Osama Bin Laden 'Delighted' After Winning 2001 Turner Prize (23-11-01)
Jonathan King Jailed For Sex Offences: 'Get Perverts Out Of Pop' Say Young, Semi-Naked Pop Stars (23-11-01)
...Rock group Anthrax In The Mail reluctantly scrap long-postponed album 'I Wanna Bomb The M*thaf*cking World Trade Centre', announce retirement: "We were unlucky," claims drummer...

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Nervous Bush Starting To Wonder Why Tony Blair Keeps Visiting, Calling Him (09-11-01)

Microsoft, Apple Unveil New Error Messages (26-10-01)
U.S. Admits Taliban Still Have Donkey Superiority (26-10-01)
Wall Street Bankers Slowly Returning To Pre-September 11th Levels Of Obnoxiousness (26-10-01)
...Nostradamus fans anxiously searching for 'the one where he says everything's gonna be allright and all this crazy shit stops happening'...

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SPECIAL REPORT: Asylum In The U.K. (28-9-01)
Prince William Asks To Be Treated 'Just Like Any Other Heir To The Throne' (28-9-01)
8oz Steak Devoured By Mysterious Flesh-Eating Organism (28-9-01)
...Australian PM takes hard line on immigrants:Entire population of Australia to be loaded onto troopships, returned to England...
...Global recession worsens: Japan reports sales of used schoolgirl panties down 70%...
...Prince Edward informs dinner party guests he 'knows the Queen'...

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SPECIAL EDITION: WORLD STUNNED BY U.S. TERROR OUTRAGE (14-9-01)

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Palestinian Town Destroyed, 11 Killed, To Make Way For Poignant New Holocaust Memorial (31-8-01)
TORY LEADERSHIP CONTEST: Kenneth Clarke Denies Dirty Tricks After Eating Iain Duncan-Smith During Live Debate (31-8-01)
Pop Group TLC Sign Historic Peace Treaty With America's 'Scrub' Community (31-8-01)
Home Secretary Announces Massive Increase In Number Of Police Officers On Television (31-8-01)
...'Short, stocky men who eat donuts make best lovers,' claims short, stocky, donut-eating scientist...

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NASA Astronaut Fears For Safety After Realising He Is Only One In Red Uniform (17-8-01)
Chris Evans And Billie Piper Threaten To Create 'Baby' By End Of Year (17-8-01)
...Missing man walking through undergrowth finds dog...

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Invention Of Wheel Followed By Marketing Campaign Promoting Wheel's Life-Enhancing Properties, Says Archaeologist (03-8-01)
Minister Calls For National Register of Satirists After Controversial TV Show (03-8-01)
GAP To Open Store On Saturn's Largest Moon, Titan (03-8-01)
Travelling On Underground Is Only Form Of Intimate Physical Contact For 80% Of Londoners (03-8-01)

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CONCORDE: Engineers Hope New Design Will Eliminate 'Great Big Fucking Ball Of Fire Spewing Out Of Goddamn Fuselage' Problem (20-7-01)
EXCLUSIVE: Jeffrey Archer Plans To Win Over Fellow Inmates With Life Story, Lessons In Social Etiquette (20-7-01)
Standards In Journalism Falling, Says Some Report Or Other, I Don't Know (20-7-01)
Pseudo Working Class Celebrity Found To Be Genuinely Working Class, Fired (20-7-01)
...Dead teenager slightly too old to inspire widespread public sympathy...
...Government bans Apple Mac exports for fear of starting war - gun and bomb exports unaffected...

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Church of England And Buddhism Announce 'Exciting' Merger - 1000 Jobs To Go (06-7-01)
Launch of Prestigious 'Human Rights Olympics' Throws Chinese Government Into Confusion (06-7-01)
Milosevic Preparing To Lose Memory Some Time Next Week (06-7-01)
Man's Decision To Buy WAP Phone Condemned As 'Too Little, Too Late' By Industry (06-7-01)
...Microsoft trial crashes, may have to be restarted...
...Wimbledon: Tabloid newspaper recalls 50,000 'Henman Is A Twat' banners, orders 50,000 'We Love You Tim' banners...

BT Reveals It Holds Patents For Internet Pornography (22-6-01)
Venables and Thompson To Be Housed In Gothic, Torch-Lit Castle On Remote Mountainside (22-6-01)
Michael Jackson Demands Upgrade To 'Gigastar' Status (22-6-01)
...Max Clifford hires Max Clifford to represent Max Clifford in dispute with Max Clifford...

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EXCLUSIVE: Portillo Promises To Stop Being Gay, Contest Tory Leadership (08-6-01)
Bush Extends 'Non-Intervention' Policy To Include United States (08-6-01)
'SURVIVOR' Tension Mounts - Who Will Be The Last Viewer? (08-6-01)
'Nothing' Is Good For You, Claim Scientists (08-6-01)
...Government wins election...
...Angry Barrymore speaks out: "Can anyone honestly say they have never found a dead man floating in their swimming pool?"...

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THE PRESCOTT INCIDENT: Second Egg Thrower Seen On 'Grassy Verge' (18-05-01)
'Human Statue' Street Performers Accidentally Blown Up By Taliban Government (25-05-01)
The Media To Take A Week Off Next Month (25-05-01)
Internet User Successfully 'Clicks On The Monkey' After 75 Attempts (25-05-01)
...People in entertainment industry other than Robert Downey Jnr. may be taking drugs, new report claims...
...Too much election satire causing surfer apathy, jokes spoof news site...

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Steve Jobs Unveils World's First Gun With Internet Access (10-05-01)
Hague Caught Bunking Off In London Shopping Centre (10-05-01)
'Asian Instability May Precipitate Global Economic Downturn,' Says 'H' From Steps (10-05-01)
...New study contradicts theory that gay men have good dress sense...
...Bright, fiery disk of light seen in sky over England...

Large-scale, Global Anti-capitalism Protests Putting Smaller, Local, Anti-capitalism Protests Out Of Business (24-04-01)
Sheep Kills Human In Suspected Revenge Attack (24-04-01)
China To Begin Immediate Production Of New 'Spy Plane' (24-04-01)
...Eleven British sheep arrive in U.S., claim asylum...

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'All Your Plane Are Belong To Us' Claims China (06-04-01)
Bush: Gore 'Can Be President For A Few Weeks If He Wants' (06-04-01)
...Foot and mouth now spreading to ankles and noses...

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